Light Fingers !0

I've stole kisses off these lips a million times. In about a month they will no longer be legally mine. I will still steal off them. It will just be harder.

Light Fingers 9

I steal recipes. Here I am making my pulla bread. It is mine because I took someones recipe, added some cardamon, and almonds on the top.

Light Fingers Eight.

I steal hearts. This note was written to me by one of my superiors. Notice in it he both thanks me and says he loves me. This was left on my desk the day after I called him at 2:00 am on the first day of his vacation to fill in my job for me. I made sure I left it on my desk an extra day so my staff would see it.

Light Fingers Seven

I've taught my kid to steal. He steals kids for me.

Light Fingers Six

This I got off my door at the Hotel Palace in Helsinki Finland.
It was a gorgeous old palace we stayed in. I had jet lag so bad I used the men's lavatory. Then we couldn't figure out how to turn on the lights in our room for a day. I crawled into bed to sleep in between the mattresses. OK I thought it's Finland, land of ice, the top blanket is just really thick. One day I hung this on my door when I needed to sleep in. I thought it meant "Do not disturb". When the maid barged in on me, she did not speak English. I tried to tell her to skip my room but she was determined to clean or explain what ever she was shouting about as she pointed to this sign. She must of thought I was just a rude crazy American because I took of down the hall and around the corner to my sisters room to sleep. She chased me almost all the way there. (She probably thought I was taking off to the front desk.) I was in my under ware. When I need my sleep, I need my sleep.

Light Fingers 5

These mugs they gave out to the guests at my last job. It fits perfectly in my cup holder. Plus, drinkin from a rehab mug adds to my bad assyness.

Light Fingers 4

winter


No, I did not steal a season. It is just a word. But I did not steal a word. This was my old bossess password. No I did not steal his password. He gave it to me. I used to do all his work for him using this password. My company sent him to a different job. Now that I know how to do his job, the company has offered me his old one. I did, however use this password to find out what kind of money his salary, so I know how much to ask for.

Light Fingers 4

At one of my jobs, the company made every employee sit through a two hour talk about the cost of workplace thiefery. Afterwords, I started saving rubber bands off the asparagus. We wasted so much there I thought it ironic.

This I named my retirment ball. My plan was to save enough rubber bands to start my own tourist attraction and charge admission. When I got mad and walked off my job, I took my retirment ball with me. Forgot my expensive knives, but remembered my ball.

It has grown to shocking perportions.

And has brain sucking powers.

Light Fingers 3

I stole the credit for this womans breakfast.

When in fact, K2 did alot of the work.
.

Light Fingers 2

After my premature son was born the nurses brought me a circumcision permission waver into my hospital room for me to sign. When I asked about what pain meds they would give my son, they said none. So I asked the doctor the same question. He became very upset that I would waste his time questioning a routine procedure. My son had been in the ER for two weeks so I had seen the plastic form they used to tie newborns in to do the snipping stained with blood and feces. After I refused to sign, my discharge nurse tried to slip the consent form in on my paperwork as I left the hospital before my son. So I stole this thing they were going to use on my baby's penis. My son uses it to extract fish hooks from the insides of fish he has caught. And he has never gotton and infection, thank you.

Light Fingers

When I worked at the Cheese Bistro, my Christmas present was this Gouda, along with a bunch of other left over unsellable junk. The place was known for their Gouda. They also sold Tilsit. And cheddar and other cheese that all tasted like Gouda. I hate that cheese.
After I had quite, and they hired their new wonder boy chef, they jacked their restaurant prices up and tried to do only fine dinning.
The cheese Natzi was driven from the restaurant by her family and plunged them into debt.
Recently I had lunch at that bistro. The food was horrid. I stole this fork, because it is a pasta fork, and it had always irked me. I told her, at least buy the proper silverware instead of the 10,000 cappuccino machine but she never did listen.

The Hardest Compliment

When I drive the big food service truck over to the west unit, I always get a raise.
West houses the baddest of the bad. The boys who are not aloud with the general population. But the men in west need food too and sometimes it is my job to drive the delivery truck and bring them the carts that hold their meals. I do not go into that building. Eight of the best of the worst offenders are escorted out by guards to push the heavy metal holding carts into their unit. It is my job to transport and operated lift gate on the back of the truck. The correctional officers do not want the men to talk to me. It is disruptive and could incite trouble. Basically it is the only time these men are outside. The only time they see a woman.
A couple bad boys, when I first started, tried to chat me up as I stood running the device that lifts their carts onto the truck, but they were ushered rapidly back inside and their privileges taken from them. The west men soon learned not to start anything with me. They became as scared of me as I them.
But then, they started leaving me secret messages. Messages on the sides of the carts the guards cannot see as the inmates push the heavy wheeled carts back to my truck. They use their condiment packages to communicate with me. My first reaction to their attempt startled them.
Every day I get a new mosaic made from ketchup, mustard and salad dressing.
Every day I get a new drawing of an erect penis.
Every day I laugh out loud. The guards know not why.